I tried posting earlier this week and I just didn't feel it. It's been a common theme in my life lately. I decided to look back at my blogging during my husbands deployment. I really thought I only had five or so posts. To my surprise, I had 20. Most are from before October. You can pretty much guess that's when all my issues started. Some stress related medical issues along with a toddler whom is drastically increasing her terribleness every day. I've felt down, naturally, because half of me is deployed. I've tried to keep myself and my daughter busy for both our sanity, but that doesn't mean I'm enjoying it. We've done some traveling but I sometimes feel guilty doing it without my husband. Even if is needed to break up the monotony of the boring everyday life we have here in Kansas.
There are times where I feel like I have no excuses. I have so much time in the world and don't get anything done. But there are also the times I feel like I don't have any time. Like my world never stops. I think it's more accurate to say my daughter never stops. And I've come to a realization that this blog isn't for anyone but me. I can make all the excuses I want and I don't have to apologize. I don't have to stick to a schedule and I don't need to feel guilty about spending time on other things or even the lack of things. I only blog to share things because I want to. No one is going to get mad or yell at me. I'm not worried about readership since I'm not a designer or author or making money in any way off the blog. So I can do what I want. When I want. And I'm ok with that. From now on when I go weeks without posting I'm not going to be overly apologetic. I'm not going to make it the subject of the post. I'm going to get straight to the point of posting.
Right now I'm starting to see a lot of things with a better perspective. My emotions are still all over the place which can sometimes be greatly overwhelming, but its more positive emotion as of late. This whole deployment thing is coming to an end. I'm not going to tell you how many days are left, and not because I'm not allowed. But because I just plain don't do countdowns. It's hard enough and time has slowed enough. I can't imagine counting every day, meal and minute I have left. I just keep telling myself to just keep swimming and soon I will be able to come up for water. Very soon, but never soon enough! Next post will be craft related, I promise!