Having a child isn't easy. But it's not the hardest thing in the world either. There are moments I want to tear my hair out, yes, but I don't feel that I'm one of those mother's who get anxious about anything and everything related to their first born. I've seen my share of those Mothers after working in daycare for years on end and being a military wife. She was never colicky. I'm pretty laid back. Miss A is very independent and I let her really navigate her play on her own, minus reading and teaching moments of course.
With that said, I experienced what I feel was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done this past week. I'll start with a little bit of background. If you don't know, my husband is in the Army. We arrived back home after a few weeks in Rochester visiting family for the holidays and he left for training a few states away the very next day. He'll be gone for 6 weeks, which leaves me home without a whole lot of friends here to depend on. And no car for the moment (long story). Two days later..... Miss A gets sick. And so do I. No big deal. We go to the doctors and both of us have "colds".
I wasn't really happy with that. Me? Fine. But my daughter had such a horrible sounding cough and what concerned me most.....really tight, rough breathing. The nurse wanted to give her a breathing treatment.....but NO. The doctor didn't seem to think it was necessary. Really? What could it have hurt? It would only have benefitted her. So Hard Mommy Moment #1: Watching my daughter be sick. And not being able to do anything about it.
Three days later, we have most obvious wheezing. Maybe this could have been prevented if we were given a breathing treatment? So a trip to the ER is in order, sadly. Hard Mommy Moment #2: sitting in the ER waiting room alone with a tired, cranky, sick child around other very obviously sick people for 2 1/2 hours without being seen and making the decision to stick it out even though the thought to go home and take her to the doctor the next morning was definitely in the back of my head! Putting my child's well being first, as it should be. But it's not always the easiest thing to do.
Finally we get seen by a doctor. Next is a chest X-ray to show if she does or doesn't have pneumonia. So of course I wouldn't even hesitate at getting this X-ray! I didn't think about HOW they give a baby an X-ray. Never having experienced it before, you really think an X-ray is an X-ray. So onto Hard Mommy Moment #3: Watching your baby be put into this random contraption that looks 100% like some type of mid-evil torture chamber while she is screaming her lungs out because she just doesn't understand since she's, well, a baby and having to idly stand by and watch it all.
So you think the hard part's over? Guess again. My daughter is too strong willed. Not surprised with the gene pool she has. She kept pulling her arms down, even though this contraption - which is called a Pegasus- is designed to keep a child's arms up. They can't get a good X-ray if her arms aren't straight up so now for Hard Mommy Moment #4, you guessed it! Mommy had to run over and hold her arms up in the air. The screams and crying that pursued and the look on her face just broke my heart! It took everything in my to NOT pull her straight out of this darn thing and cuddle her and make her pain go away. But I knew how important this X-ray was. So instead I just held back tears myself till it was all over.
You know she is just so darn cute that it was all totally worth it, and it will be the next time I have more hard mommy moments too. I know being a Mom isn't all fun and games and there will be alot of rough days sometime in the future. I am glad to say she doesn't have pneumonia and we got the right meds to help. She's still working on getting better. Oh, and I should mention that the first thing the Doc did (even before the X-ray) was to give her a breathing treatment. I still hold a grudge with that doctor and I'm glad to say it wasn't our usual one.